Goodbye Sherwood

Sherwood Schwartz died yesterday. I felt kind of melancholy when I heard about it. He was responsible for two of my favorite tv shows; Gilligans’s Island and The Brady Bunch.

When I was a kid, I wanted to live on Gilligan’s Island. Daily social situations and interactions appeared a lot easier when there are only 7 people involved.
As a child I always related to Gilligan. He was always getting into trouble and goofing stuff up. So was I.
When I was in high school I came up with the idea that all of the castaways had died in the ship wreck and the island was their Heaven. Eventually, that Rescue From Gilligan’s Island movie came out and wrecked the whole theory.

Interesting trivia
In the opening credits of the first season, you can see a flag flying at half-mast in the background. President Kennedy had just been assassinated not too long before it was filmed.

Schwartz was also responsible for The Brady Bunch. I was 12 when the show premiered in 1969 and most of the kids on the show were in my age group. I was able to relate to most of them. In the beginning, Jan was my favorite. I had a crush on her. Later on she went all wacky and Greg became my favorite. He was the oldest and the boss. So was I.
I always thought it was interesting that there were 12 steps on the Brady stairs. Kind of like the 12 Step Program.
It’s interesting to me that in most of the publicity shots, where the family is standing on the stairs, Jan is usually on the 6th step. In the 12 Step Program no. 6 is Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. It did seem that Jan WAS the most defective Brady. Or at least had the most neuroses.
I have no talent.
I can’t find a boyfriend.
I’m ugly.
I won the essay contest, but OOPS, it was a mistake. I didn’t really win.

I’m so glad I finally stopped relating to her.

Anyway, RIP Sherwood Schwartz. Living to be 94 is pretty damn good.


The Iron Chef Chairman Shoots and Kills Charlene Frazier Stillfield


It looks like Julia Sugarbaker is going to be looking for another receptionist. Charlene Frazier Stillfield, who moonlights as the Governor of Hawaii, under the alias of Pat Jameson, was shot and killed last night by Iron Chef Chairman Wo Fat. Iron Chef Wo Fat, who was eliminated in the 7th episode on season 9 of Dancing With the Stars (a period of time in which the crime level in the state of Hawaii experienced a sharp decrease), waltzed into the Governor’s office and blasted a few bullets into the chest of Charlene/Pat.

Super hunky and intense Steve McGarrett, who is head of Hawaii’s Five-0, was unconscious on the floor at the time of the shooting. He had been knocked out by super-villain Iron Chef Wo Fat seconds before the tragic event. McGarrett had been in the Governor’s office trying to get her to confess on tape that it was SHE who was behind the ‘exploding-claymore-in-the-car’ death of Miss Teen USA 1985 winner Kelly Hu. Hu, before her untimely and gruesome death, had been masquerading as Laura Hills, Public Safety liaison to the corrupt Charlene/Pat. 

In a strange twist of ‘he was dead when I got there, Mr. Mason’ fate, McGarrett was holding the gun when he awoke – cleverly placed there by the notorious Chef Wo Fat while McGarrett had been unconscious. No longer ‘lost’ Chin Ho Kelly, who had quit Five-0 and been re-instated to the HPD as a Lt. during the commercial break, was, along with other members of the HPD, the first on the scene. Kelly, seeing that Governor Stillfield/Jameson was dead, immediately arrested McGarrett for the crime. Gubernatoriacide?

What will become of the Five-0 quartet? I guess we’ll have to wait for Fall to find out.

American Idol Elimination Show for 5/05/11

I’m afraid that I may have been a tad bit harsh in my Idol post from this morning. I was full of caffeine and in a ranting mood. That’s really no excuse for talking bad about people that I don’t even know.
Tonight’s elimination show was just about how I expected it would be. With one exception, though. I thought for sure that Haley would be in the bottom 2. Not Lauren. Anyway, Jacob went home and that’s fine with me.
I had predicted that Lauren will come in 3rd in the competition. I am now changing my prediction to Haley.

Tonight’s show was fairly entertaining. I thought that Jennifer did good with her song. The only thing that I really didn’t care for was the Idol group song. I love “Happy Together” by the Turtles, but let’s face it… they murdered that song. It sounded better when the Brady Kids sang it on The Brady Bunch Variety Hour back in the 70s… and they sucked (with the exception of Geri Reischl, who portrayed Jan).

I kind of felt sorry for Lauren when they showed the clip of Jimmy Iovine talking about her. She teared up. I thought that she was going to start bawling. But, she didn’t. Another thing about Lauren. She looks like a freakin’ Amazon whenever she stands next to Ryan. I know Ryan is short, but she looks like Andre the Giant whenever they are together.

Last Night’s American Idol

American Idol was excessively brutal last night. The maudlin and overly-saccharine antics of James made my want to vomit maggot-infested dishrags. That boy is on my penultimate nerve. Jacob, on the other hand, is on my LAST nerve. What is WRONG with those American Idol judges? AND, they had to sing 2 songs. It’s like the Chinese Water Torture squared. Jacob sings sharp – and I don’t mean sharp as in sharply dressed. I mean sharp as in, “You’re singing a semi-tone above the note, and that my friend is commensurate with fingernails on a blackboard”.
And speaking of sharply dressed… who in the crap is dressing Jacob? I’m guessing the wardrobe mistress from Jerry Lewis’ Nutty Professor movie.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not hating on these guys. They sing a gazillion times better than I do. But there is no way that you can convince me that those 2 guys are 2/5 of the best singers in America.

I already know who is going to win. Scotty McCreery. It’s the easiest prediction in the world. If all gambling was like betting on Scotty for the win, then I would be uber-rich. His win is a no-brainer. Scotty first and James second. It will be a repeat of the Kris Allen/Adam Lambert season. Lauren Alaina will be third.
Scotty had that over-confident look in his eye. He always has that smug look on his face. He knows he’s going to win. He knows he has the double Y vote. Double Y? Yeah, yokel and yahoo. He has the ‘Ma and Pa Kettle sittin’ on the front porch, watching the fire flies’ vote. I don’t care how many teenybops are out there power-texting James Durbin and Lauren Alaina , there is no way he can beat the ‘Ma, I left my teeth on the nightstand, can ya go get’em’ vote. There are tons of borderline decemnovenarians out there with landlines and ‘big black, two ton, rotary, I bought this at Sears in the 1950s when Eisenhower was president’ phones, they are ALL goin to be dialing Scotty’s number. Go check Dial Idol if you don’t believe me.

Personally, I would like to see Haley win. Of the remaining contestants, I like her voice the best. I would buy her album. But unfortunately, I would probably have a better chance of seeing snowballs that I had tossed into hell remain intact, than I would of seeing Haley win this season of AI. More than likely, she will be the one who goes tonight. I’m hoping not. I’m hoping Jacob.