I never have been or never will be Shanequa, so yeah, QUIT CALLING!

Why is it that when someone calls you, and it’s a wrong number, and you TELL them it’s a wrong number, they don’t believe you. It’s like they think your lying or something.

Are you sure this isn’t Shanequa?

Look dude, I’m pretty sure I’d remember if my name was Shanequa. Not to mention the fact that I’m a guy.

And then they text you.

Hey girl, what are you doing to night?

Right, like that’s going to fool you. Like you don’t know that it’s the same person who just called you. Like, if I really WAS Shanequa, then the texting technique would fool me and I would be a stupid bonehead who would not get the connection between the call and the text.

I want to speak to Shanqua. WHY AREN’T YOU SHANEQUA!!!

And then they get all pissed and defensive.

I HATE PHONES!

or maybe it’s just the people calling and not actually the phone. Not sure.

Anyway…

How can I convince this person that I am not Shanequa, or that I am not some person who has Shandqua’s phone. Like we’re at the club or something and someone calls and Shanequa goes, “Oh damn! It’s blah blah. I don’t want to talk to him. Here, take my phone and pretend that they got the wrong number”.

Anyhow, that’s what I’m thnking that the person on the other end of the line is thinking.

And then they go, “Who is this”.

That doesn’t matter. You got the wrong stinkin’ number. Don’t call or text me again. You goofed up. This ain’t Shanequa’s phone. Accept that fact and move on. I can’t make this Shanequa person materialize in front of me because I HAVE NO FRICKIN’ CLUE WHO THAT EVEN IS!

And then 2 days later they text you again.

“Hey girl, what’s up”?

Really dumbass? You’re that stupid?

Sometimes I feel like pretending that I AM Shanequa. I fell like spouting lurid sex talk. I feel like making up a bunch of shit. I fell like saying, Oh I’m sorry, Shanequa died.”

But, I don’t. I just keep feeling the angst over not being able to convince this person on the other end of the line that I AM NOT MOFO SHANEQUA. And that I am not hiding her.

Sometimes I fell like flushing the damn phone down the toilet.

Night of the Living Blog

I haven’t posted on this blog in hyperbolically forever. Why? Because that’s how I roll, bitches. It’s called blogging Alzheimers. Start a blog. Be all exited about it. Rabidly post for a while. Get a few comments telling you that you’re an idiot. Delete the posts because you feel like like a sap. Do a few more posts. And then, forget that you even have the blog.

Anyway, this blog has been in the ICU/coma unit since, I think, July. My last post was about Sherwood Schwartz dying. I must have been severly depressed because, egads, I stopped posting. Or maybe, I just became interested in something else. I go through phases, you know. WordPress, Tumble. Blogger, Tumblr, WordPress, Blogger, Pinterest, Facebook (for about 2 seconds), WordPress, blahbidy blah blah blah.

I must admit that I spend a lot of time on Tumblr. I like it because you only have to have the mind of a 12 year old and possess limited verbal skills to receive instant gratification. But, unfortunately, Tumblr is currently on the fritz. At least mine is. So, I decided to come here.

Another reason that I have returned is because I got a new computer. The old one was crap. I couldn’t load updates and it had all kinds of viruses. It was jacked to the limit. But, it still worked. Somewhat. What I could do and see on WordPress was very limited. It wouldn’t show stats or posts from people I was subscribed to or featured posts or ANYTHING. All I could see was YOUR BROWSER IS OUTDATED. I felt like the whole world was moving ahead and that I was still driving the Flintstone car (people on Tumblr would be like, “Who are the Flintstones”?).

OMG, you started posting on that piece of crap blog again!

So, since I got this new and moderately-priced computer from Best Buy, I have decided – since I can actually see what’s going on again (WordPress-wise) – to maybe do a post, or maybe even start the shit back up.

I even changed the blog theme . OMG. Shut up!

This blog isn’t supposed to be serious, or anything. It’s more of a ‘I’m at the bar and I just drank 3 shots of tequila really fast and my face is getting numb and I am gonna start acting stupid but try to keep my composure, but that’s really not going to happen because I’m drunk’ blog.

Anyway, let me leave you with this video of a song I like.